Blog — Blog Post
You are Not an Afterthought
Advice for Grandparents Advice for Parents Advice for sick children Blog Post Children and Loss Dr Emily McClatchey How do we talk to children about death Kidolences Blog Kidolences Origin Professional Help Talking to Children Understanding Death
Kids Are Still Kids
Advice for Grandparents Advice for Parents Blog Post Children and Loss Dr Emily McClatchey How do we talk to children about death Kidolences Blog Professional Help Talking to Children Understanding Death
It can be jarring for an adult to see how quickly and easily children vacillate between grief and play; just when you've braced yourself to answer that difficult question or prepared for the anguish of trying to comfort an upset child, they've seemingly moved on from that moment in time. Indeed, children may surprise you with their easy ability to shift attention away from grief rather than wallowing as adults tend to do. In time, the child will likely cycle back through their sadness and re-grieve. It is important to normalize this vacillation-- both for your own reassurance and for the reassurance to the child lest they feel guilty for following their natural instincts to play. Play is not disrespectful to grief, it is an important aspect of coping and processing.
Kids Collect Mementos
Advice for Grandparents Advice for Parents Blog Post Children and Loss Dr Emily McClatchey How do we talk to children about death Kidolences Blog Professional Help Talking to Children Understanding Death
As parents, we struggle so mightily to shield our children from the excruciating pain of grief that we sometimes forget what might be best for them. If only we can control our own anxiety and desire to make it all better long enough to pause and listen, we might hear our children telling us what they need. Children, in their simplicity, can have clarity about death and how to appropriately honor a passing. They are not weighed down as we are with complexity and complication surrounding an adult’s understanding of death.
Kids Experience Fear
Advice for Grandparents Advice for Parents Blog Post Children and Loss Dr Emily McClatchey How do we talk to children about death Kidolences Blog Professional Help Talking to Children Understanding Death
Anxiety, fears and worries escalate in all times of loss for kids, not just in grief over death. Loss, change, and grief can cause upheaval that can cause children to regress to behaviors they have outgrown or that are more commonly seen in younger children. Children who were easy to potty train and mastered independent toileting may begin bed-wetting. You may notice sleep difficulties, nightmares, or a fear of the dark. In school, students may have difficulty concentrating, may easily lose focus, or may develop academic troubles. This aspect of child grieving – the anxiety and fear- can be the most trying for parents to watch their child struggle with. Our hearts break for them, and we may even feel frustrated or overwhelmed. Here are some tips for dealing with your child’s anxiety following a loss.
Kids Crave Ritual: Part Three
Advice for Grandparents Advice for Parents Blog Post Children and Loss Dr Emily McClatchey How do we talk to children about death Kidolences Blog Kids Need Ritual Professional Help Talking to Children Understanding Death
In times of loss or change, rituals can be comforting to all of us, but especially for children. Yet it is precisely at times of loss and change that rituals are often abandoned—adults become too swamped with managing the accompanying chaos of change that they fail to attend to rituals that could bring peace and grounding. Indeed, rituals take time and forethought and energy, commodities that grow scarce during crisis. It can feel overwhelming to add “orchestrating a ritual” to your to-do’s in challenging times. But I encourage you, for the sake of your children, to consider it.